When people ask me what I do for a living I usually reply that I’m a professional student. I’ve spent a good portion of my life in college collecting various bachelors and masters degrees while waiting tables to make ends meet. I don’t consider myself a professional food server although I’ve been in the restaurant industry a good portion of my life; the job just seems to fit well into a busy life learning new, interesting, and mind-expanding information. My morning routine consists of checking new email, reading the NY Times (online), browsing both Reddit and Digg, and finishing the reading schedule with new blog postings populated by Feedly. I must confess that I’m a sucker for stories that include lists and there are no shortage of these postings on Reddit and Digg. Today while perusing Digg I stumbled across this list of the 10 most annoying things about dining out by Dave Faries. Because I have an insider’s knowledge of the restaurant industry, Faries’ complaints reveal personal information about himself that might go unnoticed by his readers. I would normally just leave a quick comment on the post but this particular list hit a nerve that requires more than a note to vent my frustration. Not all of Faries’ listed complaints are invalid, however some are so inconsequential that they don’t deserve more than a brief acknowledgment.
10. Wait staff asking “How is everything” at all the wrong moments
Faries is complaining about servers who ask this question just after the customer’s taken a large bite of food and can’t really reply without choking on their meal. Now, earlier I alluded to the writer inadvertently revealing personal information in his post, and this is one of those moments. If Faries frequently encounters this situation, then he is probably considered a difficult customer by his servers. The “how is everything” technique is used by servers to avoid customers that constantly complain or attempt to engage the server in boring or inane conversation; these customers are best approached with their mouth full.
9. Superlatives
This is when restaurants use “best” or “greatest” to describe food/drink menu items. I agree with Faries on this one, however, would a customer invest in a piece of “better than average” apple pie? Superlatives are a fact of life in the capitalist system, and frequently used by every industry from automotive to cell phone service providers; they’re there to make the customer feel good about the purchase item. You can bet the server is in the wait station laughing with fellow employs about that fourth “diet” coke refill needed by the customer to wash down that last bite of “America’s best” truffle cake.
8. Seating people in clusters
In this instance Faries takes exception with seating groups of customers together when the restaurant isn’t busy. He admits the practice allows food servers to better attend guests, but it “robs the guest of some privacy. In a quiet space, voices carry. The practice, therefore, can make for an awkward dining experience.” Unless Faries is planning a bombing or some future embarrassing sexual adventure (I’m thinking Marv Albert here), he’s giving his conversation skills far too much credit for being interesting to any customers seated nearby. If customers are seated haphazardly throughout the restaurant, the level of customer service drops off. This is called a catch-22.
7. Opening hours not posted on the web site
Again, I have to agree with Faries on this complaint. However, if I’m interested enough to search out a restaurant online I’ll probably just call if the times aren’t posted.
6. Restaurants not keeping stated hours
I heartily agree with Faries on this point, but keep in mind that individually owned restaurants will close early if business is slow in an effort to save on operating costs. They don’t have the deep pockets of national restaurant chains that can remain open regardless of business conditions.
5. By the glass wines at cocktail prices
Apparently, Faries is upset at the high price of wines by the glass. For those familiar with Adam Smith’s concept of the invisible hand, the free market sets the price for goods and customers decide whether to participate by purchasing said goods. If the wine is too expensive, a re-evaluation of drink preference is in order; I’ll be right back with your “diet” coke.
4. Staff not bussing silverware between courses
This is another point on which Faries and I agree, however the problem of lies in the customer “guarding” the dirty silverware or placing it out of reach to the server. International dining guests are much easier to serve because they place any used silverware together on the empty dish; this signals the waiter that they’ve finished with the dish and are ready to have it removed. Frequent diners are aware of this common courtesy, but some customers lose their ability to civilly dine in public, forcing the server to become a surrogate mother.
3. Charging high corkage fees at BYOB-only restaurants
I don’t know of any restaurant that doesn’t charge a corkage fee when the customer arrives with outside liquor. This doesn’t mean that all restaurants charge this fee, but it is usually a small nominal charge. If Faries is bothered by this practice he should avoid offending restaurants; if liquor is a necessity to enjoy a meal I would also recommend having a local AA chapter on speed dial. Speaking as a server, when the customer objects to a corkage fee, we believe the diner is just being cheap; the demographic that usually complains the loudest are the wealthy diners. I can’t explain why this is true, but I’m speaking from personal experience. Complaints by customers about food/beverage costs signals to the server that the individual is probably cheap and won’t leave a decent tip regardless of the service provided; the server will usually decide to focus attention on the diner that understands the server wasn’t invited to the meeting that decided costs and shouldn’t be held responsible by the customer. If the food/drinks are out of a comfortable price range, you’re dining in the wrong place.
2. No reservation policies at popular restaurants
Restaurants that practice this policy do themselves real harm. Turning away any customer is bad business and if it happens frequently, diners will stop seeking out the restaurant. In my experience this practice is a rarity; in fact, I’ve never worked, nor dined, at a restaurant that didn’t take reservations.
1. Restaurants encouraging valet parking
Faries takes exception to restaurants roping off a large portion of the parking lot for valet parking, forcing patrons to walk farther to reach the establishment. Again, this is a common service that forces customers into less desirable portions of the parking lot. If this practice restricts the spaces available for patron parking, then the restaurant is again discouraging customer access. As long as I can find a parking space I don’t mind a short walk; a short walk isn’t something to get upset about.
Street with no name 